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What Are We Afraid Of?

Posted on by whisperers

Have you ever heard people saying “I’m not afraid of anything!!”, well, I’m sure most of those people are lying. I think everyone is afraid of something in their life. Some are afraid of heights, some with spiders, some with darkness and many more. If you check the list of phobias on the internet you will be surprised to see the number of results on that. Some people are even scared of trees and falling asleep. I’m sure a lot of people might disagree with the latter one. So the point is people can get scared of almost anything. That was unexpected right?

If you ask me about being afraid, there are two types of things that we all are afraid of. One, the actual things like a spider, height, darkness, etc. the other, is us. Confused?? how can we be afraid of ourselves?? Trust me, folks we all are. Knowingly or unknowingly, we all are scared of ourselves, our actions, our reactions, our decisions and most importantly our instincts. More confused now?? Let me tell you a story.

There was a man, his name was Sindbad. He was the greatest sailor of his time. He crossed seven seas and discovered many great lands during his voyage. He was the bravest man people had ever seen. He wasn’t afraid of the deepest oceans nor the strongest waves. Once during his voyage, he met a very humble, enthusiastic young man who idolized Sindbad as his hero. The young man praised Sindbad for his bravery and said he wants to be as fearless as him. Sindbad hearing this looks at him, smiles and says “No one is fearless, everyone is afraid of something”.

The young man was shocked after hearing these words from the greatest sailor ever, “What are you afraid off??” he asked

“It’s something that has always traveled with me, no one else can see it, except me”

“What is it Sindbad? tell me”, asked the young man with a curious face

Sindbad turns away from the young man and says, “Me”

The young man, now more confused than ever turns towards Sindbad and asks, “I don’t understand”

Sindbad looks at him, smiles and puts his hand around the young man’s shoulders and says, “I grew up in a small village. My father was a fisherman. As a kid, I was as normal as any other kid. I was afraid of everything, even sailing. As I grew up I started to help out my father in fishing. But it wasn’t too late when I realized that I wasn’t any good at it. My parents kept a lot of hopes on me. I didn’t want to disappoint them, so I tried hard. But I always ended up disappointing them. Disappointing them became a hobby for me. When I became a man, I was a fisherman but not as good as my parents thought. I had so many friends, I let them all down. At that time I met the love of my life, but I made some decisions that hurt her and I lost her. And one time I listened to my instincts and it almost cost my friend his life. I wasn’t wrong all the time you know, but whenever I was wrong, it cost me too much. Whenever I meet new people I feel scared, what if I hurt them or disappoint them. So I started to outcast myself. I turned to oceans because the fear of these waves didn’t even stand a chance against the fear of me letting others down. Death never scared me in my journey, instead, I sailed my whole life looking for it. And if ever one day, I find my death right in front of me, I will not run from it, instead, I will welcome it as a friend.”

After these words, Sindbad looked at the young man, smiled and tapped on his back and left for yet another sail.

So, coming back to our discussion, what did you understand from the story?? Was Sindbad right?? Folks, sometimes the deadliest fear in the universe might seem small when we are afraid of ourselves. This fear can take us distances or can make our life miserable. So, can we control this fear? It’s entirely up to us. We just have to figure out how to deal with this and move forward for yet another sail just like Sindbad. But unlike outcasting ourselves like him, we can always find people who support us, love us and help us achieve our potential. We just have to stick onto them and believe that at the end of the day, everything will be alright.

Kitchen Diaries: The One With Uppittu

Posted on by whisperers

It was a bright sunday morning in Bengaluru. My father was serving at chennai and since my sister’s wedding was approaching, my mother was at our native doing the wedding preparations. So only my sister and I were at home alone. We planned to prepare uppittu that morning, it’s a dish made with rava and vegetables. My sister was roasting the rava in the pan and I was chopping onions, chillies and ginger. She shifted the rava to a bowl just before it turned brown and added oil in the pan. The oil is heated well and now was the time to add cumin, mustard, channa dal and cashews. Meanwhile I finished chopping vegetables and gave it to my sister. When the ingredients in the pan turned golden in color, she added all the chopped vegetables and began to stir it. Meanwhile I was sitting on the table and eating chuduva(a dish made from parched rice), well I eat a lot. After a minute she added water to it. At that moment I heard a slight wheezing. I looked at her, her jaws were tightened and the thin skin below her eye started trembling. Before I processed this sudden change in her face, tears started running down her cheeks. It wasn’t because of onions. She was crying, really crying.

I went to her and asked her , ‘Akka, what happened..?’

She added the roasted rava into the pan ignoring my question, she continued adding it slowly to avoid lumps, but I was sure she was having a hard time doing that because she was shaking.

I asked her again, ‘Akka please tell me, what is wrong?’

‘Prahlad’ she said.

Prahlad was my sister’s boyfriend. They were in a relationship for more than three years. I never supported her because somehow I always knew it was never going to work out, lets just say I have intense gut feelings when it comes to things like this. I hated that guy so much that one day he came to our house when our parents were not there, I literally screamed at my sister saying this is wrong and he is not supposed to be here, I asked him to get out of my house ignoring what my sister would feel, I love her, but I wasn’t ready to accept everything she decided because my parents were involved in the consequences of her decision as well. I was not ready to pay them as a cost. I knew for a fact that she loved him deeply, and he loved her equally irrespective of his twisted background and character. It is sometimes said that when we choose the wrong path, the universe shows us signs that it is not our path to walk. But even after that, if we choose to walk that path, it does certain harsh things to pull you back. In my sister’s case, it was very harsh. Prahlad passed away, due to unfortunate circumstances. This changed everything in her life. My parents did not know about this, nothing at all.

‘It has been more than six months akka, you have to let it go, he is not going to come back, I know you are in pain but you have to move on. You do know that your marriage talks are going on, right?’

‘It is more than that putti, there is something that has been eating me ever since he passed away, you won’t understand’, she said.

‘Akka I’m here for you, please tell me, what’s bothering you?’

‘Putti, I feel if it wasn’t for me he would have been alive today’

I was perplexed when she said this. He died because he had an asthama attack and unfortunately he could not reach the inhaler in time. Why would she say that she was the reason? Why is she beating herself up for something that she did not do? I asked her

‘I don’t understand Akka, why would you say that?’

‘Putti, the day he died, he was texting me. I was tired so I slept early and didn’t text him back. Had I texted him back that day, he would have been awake and would have reached his inhaler in time. It hurts me to know that I could have helped him.’

‘Akka please don’t be hard on yourself, it’s not your fault, there was nothing you could have done, you can’t change one’s fate. Why didn’t you tell me this before, I could have helped you’.

‘Putti I didn’t think you would understand me. You never supported our relationship. I never got the strength to tell you and I was afraid of how you would react. And the worst part is now my marriage preparations are going on. In so little time to his demise, It has been only 6 months, I am struggling, I don’t know how to help myself, I can’t even tell my parents. You are the only person I can talk to, but at the same time something held me back, I was scared to tell you. So I didn’t tell you either’.

I was stunned when I heard this. My sister was going through so much and I wasn’t there for her. I was a cold sister. I didn’t support her when she needed me the most. It was at this moment i understood the value of sisterhood. I understood the responsibility of being a sister. So, I decided to have her back no matter what. I decided to do whatever makes her comfortable even if it agonized my parents sometimes.

The uppittu was cooked well, we sprinkled some coriander leaves over it. Meanwhile, I took the plates and water bottle to the hall, switched on the TV and took out a small cup of chutney from the fridge. She brought the garnished uppittu and distributed it equally on our plates with a smile on her face. I asked her what made her remember this incident. She recalled the day when Prahlad came to our house on a similar sunday morning when my parents were out of town. He had come to give us breakfast from his home. And it was Uppittu……

Kitchen Diaries: The One With Sakarai Pongal

Posted on by whisperers

Its surprising how short conversations at the right time can make very deep sense. This was
one such conversation, it was the morning of saturday, 12th October 2019. It is a special
saturday for us tamils because all Saturdays of this month of ‘Puratasi’ is considered auspicious and all offerings to Lord vishnu is made on these days. Every house will prepare a complete tamil style meal with 2 ‘poriyal’ ( made with vegetables used as a side dish), sambar, rasam, curd, vadas and sakarai pongal ( sweet pongal made with jaggery, rice, dhal and many more ingredients).


It was a humble morning, with rays of sunlight that struggled through the heavy dark clouds,
hitting a metal spoon kept at the edge of the kitchen top. The reflected silver beam of light then hit the glass door of a shelf at the top and disappeared passing through it. A song composed by A R Rahman, sung by yuvan Shankar raja, was playing in the bluetooth speaker that I had kept at the corner of the shelf to amplify the music coming out, a technique that has amplified the effect twice compared to it’s original effect. My mother was trying to break down a huge jaggery ball with a bread loaf sized stone shaped like a roller. I was giving her a hand as the stone is not easy to lift up everytime to break the jaggery into tiny pieces.

This song is all about a man who lives at africa as a labour to feed his family living at his
hometown, it describes the struggles of this man in various aspects. For a moment, both of us
paused what we were doing, holding this stone upright, and focused on this line that tells how
he once lived at his hometown, playing and teasing everyone he sees, but at africa he has no
soul to smile at, no good food to eat and no clean water to drink. My mother looked at me and
said, ‘Papu, no matter what, pray that you should have the strength to face anything that
comes your way and not that you should never get anything negative in your way’, I nodded
and asked ‘but amma, everyone who prays, will pray for their well being, they pray to get
everything that makes them happy, that’s what every spiritual person will do’, wont they?’.
She replied by saying, ‘ if god wanted everyone to be happy always, why would he put them on
earth and make them face struggles? He would have rather kept everyone right next to him’,
she then said, ‘it’s all about hitting the rock bottom, feeling bad for few days, then realizing that everything will pass and as long as I am there for myself, I can face anything, and this is the strength I should pray for, and not happiness for eternity’.

She told this and moved on to put the broken jaggery into the cooker that already had rice in
it. It was a small and a simple conversation, we both then moved on to our next task, but what
she said still resonates in my mind, why do we ask for happiness? Why do we always want to
be happy? Why haven’t we thought that as long as I am there for myself in any situation, I am
a happy person. Situations do not decide whether we have to be peaceful or not, we should be
the one to decide. We should be able to tell ourselves every day that no matter what comes,
both negative or positive, ‘ this too shall pass’…