It was a bright sunday morning in Bengaluru. My father was serving at chennai and since my sister’s wedding was approaching, my mother was at our native doing the wedding preparations. So only my sister and I were at home alone. We planned to prepare uppittu that morning, it’s a dish made with rava and vegetables. My sister was roasting the rava in the pan and I was chopping onions, chillies and ginger. She shifted the rava to a bowl just before it turned brown and added oil in the pan. The oil is heated well and now was the time to add cumin, mustard, channa dal and cashews. Meanwhile I finished chopping vegetables and gave it to my sister. When the ingredients in the pan turned golden in color, she added all the chopped vegetables and began to stir it. Meanwhile I was sitting on the table and eating chuduva(a dish made from parched rice), well I eat a lot. After a minute she added water to it. At that moment I heard a slight wheezing. I looked at her, her jaws were tightened and the thin skin below her eye started trembling. Before I processed this sudden change in her face, tears started running down her cheeks. It wasn’t because of onions. She was crying, really crying.
I went to her and asked her , ‘Akka, what happened..?’
She added the roasted rava into the pan ignoring my question, she continued adding it slowly to avoid lumps, but I was sure she was having a hard time doing that because she was shaking.
I asked her again, ‘Akka please tell me, what is wrong?’
‘Prahlad’ she said.
Prahlad was my sister’s boyfriend. They were in a relationship for more than three years. I never supported her because somehow I always knew it was never going to work out, lets just say I have intense gut feelings when it comes to things like this. I hated that guy so much that one day he came to our house when our parents were not there, I literally screamed at my sister saying this is wrong and he is not supposed to be here, I asked him to get out of my house ignoring what my sister would feel, I love her, but I wasn’t ready to accept everything she decided because my parents were involved in the consequences of her decision as well. I was not ready to pay them as a cost. I knew for a fact that she loved him deeply, and he loved her equally irrespective of his twisted background and character. It is sometimes said that when we choose the wrong path, the universe shows us signs that it is not our path to walk. But even after that, if we choose to walk that path, it does certain harsh things to pull you back. In my sister’s case, it was very harsh. Prahlad passed away, due to unfortunate circumstances. This changed everything in her life. My parents did not know about this, nothing at all.
‘It has been more than six months akka, you have to let it go, he is not going to come back, I know you are in pain but you have to move on. You do know that your marriage talks are going on, right?’
‘It is more than that putti, there is something that has been eating me ever since he passed away, you won’t understand’, she said.
‘Akka I’m here for you, please tell me, what’s bothering you?’
‘Putti, I feel if it wasn’t for me he would have been alive today’
I was perplexed when she said this. He died because he had an asthama attack and unfortunately he could not reach the inhaler in time. Why would she say that she was the reason? Why is she beating herself up for something that she did not do? I asked her
‘I don’t understand Akka, why would you say that?’
‘Putti, the day he died, he was texting me. I was tired so I slept early and didn’t text him back. Had I texted him back that day, he would have been awake and would have reached his inhaler in time. It hurts me to know that I could have helped him.’
‘Akka please don’t be hard on yourself, it’s not your fault, there was nothing you could have done, you can’t change one’s fate. Why didn’t you tell me this before, I could have helped you’.
‘Putti I didn’t think you would understand me. You never supported our relationship. I never got the strength to tell you and I was afraid of how you would react. And the worst part is now my marriage preparations are going on. In so little time to his demise, It has been only 6 months, I am struggling, I don’t know how to help myself, I can’t even tell my parents. You are the only person I can talk to, but at the same time something held me back, I was scared to tell you. So I didn’t tell you either’.
I was stunned when I heard this. My sister was going through so much and I wasn’t there for her. I was a cold sister. I didn’t support her when she needed me the most. It was at this moment i understood the value of sisterhood. I understood the responsibility of being a sister. So, I decided to have her back no matter what. I decided to do whatever makes her comfortable even if it agonized my parents sometimes.
The uppittu was cooked well, we sprinkled some coriander leaves over it. Meanwhile, I took the plates and water bottle to the hall, switched on the TV and took out a small cup of chutney from the fridge. She brought the garnished uppittu and distributed it equally on our plates with a smile on her face. I asked her what made her remember this incident. She recalled the day when Prahlad came to our house on a similar sunday morning when my parents were out of town. He had come to give us breakfast from his home. And it was Uppittu……
Whispers Of The Sea 